Numb, Scared and Ripped Apart

I remember telling several medical personnel that I have a right pelvic kidney. It works, it’s just in the wrong place. The Doctor said this would not effect the procedure.

So I was rolled into the operating room. The anaesthesiologist explained my options. I just said yes. I was scared.

I began to panic when it felt like the operation was starting and hubby wasn’t with me. Finally he was holding my hand. I felt pressure and tugging. It felt like the baby was suctioned in my belly. I could almost hear an audible “pop” as they pulled him out. I remember thinking “Nothing else has gone according to the plan. He’s going to end up being a girl and I have nothing for her to wear.”

Then he was out. The doctor confirmed that I had a little boy. Hubby told me to look behind him. The nurses were cleaning him up. “He looks like me!” I said.

(I am the baby in the black and white and my little boy is in colour)


As they removed the placenta I swear I could feel them moving my kidney. I became vocal about it – like these doctors don’t know what they are doing.

Hubby was able to hold the baby. As they finished with me, hubby and baby were carted away to a recovery room. I soon followed. Nurse Paula was with me again as the drugs wore off. I shook like crazy and was upset I couldn’t hold my baby. Hubby brought him over to me. Then I was carted off to my room where I remained from Friday to Sunday.

I hated being in the hospital and asked to be sent home a day early. I was originally supposed to be discharged on Monday.

This precious little creature is so worth it!

Mother Load

Hubby finally reappeared as the nurse prepared for baby’s arrival. He had driven an hour to pick up my mom and an hour back to the hospital. And though I was mad that he left me for so long I was so happy my mom was with me.

Eventually, I was told to push. I couldn’t feel my contractions so I really relied on hubby to tell me when they started (he could see the monitor). I had a hard time pushing in the right spot but eventually everyone could see the top of the baby’s head crowning. Yep! He was right there! But more pushing did nothing. Part of my cervix was holding him back and he was “sunny side up” as the nurse explained it. The doctor was called in to assess the situation. I was exhausted.

At first the vacuum was suggested for delivery. I was agreeing to anything. Lying in wait for 24 hours I just wanted it to be over. Then the dreaded words came. Baby’s heart rate had dropped and I should have a c-section. I was brave at first. “So much for a birth plan.” Everyone laughed. I joked with the nurse (nurse Paula is an amazing lady!). I apologized for ruining her vaginal delivery record. Then we all became quiet, waiting for O.R. to be prepped. I began to cry. Nurse Paula encouraged my tears. “It’s alright to cry.” But I tried to be brave.